2 days old
On Wednesday, March 16th we left the hospital with our two-day-old little girl and went home - home to two anxious big sisters, one excited dog (who had no clue how much his world was about to change) and a loving grandmother who came to visit and help with the big kids while we were at the hospital. The first night at home went smoothly - I should tell you that Emma is and has been an amazingly good baby from the beginning. As exciting and wonderful as it was to have Emma home and finally be together as our new family of five, we also were facing a very difficult journey. A little background here would probably be helpful - Brock's dad had been diagnosed with gastric cancer in late November/early December and the prognosis was not as favorable as we had hoped. But the doctors thought that if he underwent chemotherapy that it might give him more time. Unfortunately the chemo was not successful. We received a call telling us that we needed to come to Atlanta as soon as possible. So we got my mom a flight home on Thursday and loaded up the car that night to leave as early as possible on Friday morning (March 18).
With a four-day-old infant and a mom who was three days post-op, the trip took almost twice as long as usual due to the increased number and lengthier stops that we had to make. Every time that we stopped I worried that we were taking too long and would get to Atlanta too late. But as we talked to Brock's mom and brother throughout the day we knew that his dad seemed to be holding on to see us and meet Emma. When we arrived around 6:30 that night, we went straight to his room to see him. It was such a bittersweet moment and one that we will share with Emma when she is older. The way Grandaddy's eyes lit up and the happiness that you could see on his face when he saw Emma was one that both warmed and broke my heart at the same time. He wanted to hold her so Brock placed her in the crook of his dad's arm and the two of them laid there both soaking in the goodness of the moment. When Brock started to pick up Emma , his dad said, "Just a little bit longer" and I felt my heart break just a little bit more. Knowing that they were both going to miss out on getting to know each other seemed terribly unfair - a huge injustice to both of them and to all of the family for that matter. I hated the fact that my children, who loved Grandaddy so very, very much, were in a sense being robbed. I have tried over the past two months to look at our loss in as positive of a way as possible. Grandaddy instilled a love of music in Audrey and she is blossoming into a very talented musician, both with the piano and guitar. She composes her own music and I know that the love she has for it is in great part to the music that she shared with Grandaddy throughout her childhood. He instilled a love of nature in Claire, who is always wanting to know more about animals and plants, and I wish terribly that I had half the knowledge that Grandaddy had about birds and such. While he only had a few days with Emma, I know that the stories and memories that we share with her about her Grandaddy will be positive influences in her life.
Grandaddy was the best grandfather. He wasn't afraid to play with the children or share stories from his life with them. He played music for them and they in turn danced and danced in the den (or wherever we were), he took them fishing, never making a difference in what the boys (or boy, in this case) could do over the girls. They were just as capable in his eye as what any boys could do and as a mom of three girls I loved that about him. He took the whole family on beach vacations where he always took all of the grandchildren crab hunting - and inevitably was always bitten by one. The grandchildren loved spending time with him and he enjoyed spending time with them just as much. He was a very "hands-on" grandparent and I am thankful for every moment that my children had to spend with him.
When I think about how much has changed since we found out in August that we were expecting a very unexpected baby, it seems like God knew that we would need an angel to help us through the hard times ahead so He sent Emma to us. Just holding her makes the hole in heart not hurt so much. In the first days after Grandaddy passed, Emma helped everyone. It is hard to be quite so sad when you see this perfect little person in your arms... this perfect little person who life has just begun and has the whole world ahead of her. We still miss Grandaddy every day and I know that we will always miss him. But I look forward to sharing his stories and memories with all of our children. Below is a short slideshow with some of our favorite photos of Grandaddy...
